Suggestions for AAFD Surprise Franchise Awards (Caution! Spoiler Warning!)
May 3, 2008 by Sean Kelly
Filed under CUPPY'S COFFEE, x AAFD
(FranchisePick.Com) NEWPORT NEWS - The American Association of Franchisees and Dealers are converging on Newport News to promote franchise fairways fairness and to celebrate the exciting first anniversary of the AAFD’s decision to sell-out out the interests of franchisees in favor of the much lower-handicapped franchisors. FranchisePick.Com offers some suggestions for fun, last minute awards!
The AAFD’s 16th Anniversary Franchisee Leadership Summit And Annual Meeting Kicks off tomorrow in Newport News, Virginia.
You can tell the AAFD is run by attornies by the catchiness of the 9-word conference name: AAFD’s 16th Anniversary Franchisee Leadership Summit And Annual Meeting. I feel like I’m getting billed .25 hours every time I read it.
You can also tell, by the golfer in the conference logo, that they are convening a serious summit on the advancement of franchise fairways. I mean, franchise fairness.
This is the exciting first anniversary of the AAFD’s decision to sell-out out the interests of franchisees in favor of the much lower-handicapped franchisors. The kick-off event for the AAFDs bold new experiment in self-parody was last year’s granting of a Fair Franchising Accreditation to the most controversial and contentious franchise company, pound for pound, on the Internet: Cuppy’s Coffee.
This year’s follow-up is the granting of an AAFD award to the ex-head of the FTC’s franchising division, in recognition his abandonment of his post at the most critical time in recent history.
CAUTION! SPOILER ALERT! Surprise AAFD award rumors:
Here are some suggestions for last minuts AAFD surprise awards that will add some excitement to the “19th Hole” festivities:
The Corey & Robin Rivera Award for Best Shell Game: This would go to Cuppy’s Coffee for their classic contributions of such phrases as We’re not Java Jo’z, we’re Cuppy’s Coffee!, Bad Roy Snowden took your money, I’m good Morg Morgan, and the much-anticipated Bad Morg Morgan took your money, I’m good Dale Nabors.
The Rivera’s sold their house to make the $30,000 “refundable” deposit because they trusted Robert “Morg” Morgan. The presenter will point out that the Rivera’s survived Hurricane Katrina, but were no match for AAFD award recipient Robert “Morg” Morgan.
The Criston Menz Chutzpah Award: This award will also go to Cuppy’s Coffee. Chutzpah is a Yiddish term for audaciousness, such as a boy convicted of murdering his parents begging the judge for leniency because he is now an orphan. In franchising, chutzpah means profitable audaciousness, such as Cuppy’s Coffee requiring a $35,900 upfront deposit from Criston Menz, then only offering to pay back $20,900 of it… in 8 installments over 8 months. Criston was scheduled to present the award, but couldn’t afford the airfare, leaving the AAFD scrambling to find a Jewish member capable of pronouncing Chutzpah without saying saying Criston Mensch.
The Asbestos Ear Award: This is to be awarded to Cuppy’s Coffee affiliate Elite Manufacturing’s Danny Jones who is reported to work tirelessly to not return money to its rightful owners. Danny Jones has reportedly excelled in call avoidance, using every club in the bag, from “personal illness” and “out sick” to “on the phone,” “in a meeting” and “out of the office.” When time for personal engagement, Jones really shines with such trademark phrases as “Never Gonna Happen,” and the inspirational “It’s impossible and not in the budget.”
Lina & Lee, who nominated Danny Jones on UnhappyFranchisee.com, FranchisePick.Com (as ralcalclee) and Rip-offReport.com would have loved to present the award, but they could not afford the airfare as they sent their $35,900 savings for a Cuppy’s Coffee franchise and still cannot get it returned.
The Gala Ball(gag) Honoree: Our reliable source has also leaked rumors of a new tradition. At the AAFD Gala Ball, all attendees will don special silken gags embroidered with the AAFD logo to honor a franchisor who has been especially adept at silencing detractors through intimidation and threat of never getting any of their own money returned.
This year’s winner is rumored to be hands-down favorite AAFD Accredited Cuppy’s Coffee. The original plan was to show a video with dozens of Cuppy’s Coffee gag order recipients, including Angie of Clever, MO, Rolando of Bueno Park, CA, Daniel Suarez, Robert, Angela Evans, and more. However, since the franchisees aren’t allowed to talk, AAFD host Robert Purvin will lead the group in a prolonged period of silence in honor of Cuppy’s Coffee.
That seems highly appropriate, since he’s been practicing it all year.
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OMG Sean, you make me laugh out-loud, although I think you left out upstanding Zors from Meal Assembly industry in your “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate awards-okay I just dated myself!
Talk about Chutzpah!..profitable audaciousness??
The only one these days who has more chutzpah is Al Gore and his Global Warming campaign!
Cost that Morg Morgan paid for Cuppy’s: 3m+
Cost that franchisee’s have paid in and not been refunded: 250k+ (estimate)
Cost of Medina/Cuppy’s/Elite’s AAFD Suprise Franchise Awards: Priceless!!
You can call me Java Joz’,
You can call me Emerald Coast Manufacturing,
You can call me Cuppy’s,
You can call me Elite Manufacturing,
Just don’t call me if you want your money back..
Hey Roy, Morg, Dale..Here is your new slogan for Cuppy’s web site.