Scrolling Headlines Don’t Scroll Unless You Do — March 28, 2008

Cuba Lifts Ban On Cell Phones, Text Messaging
Producers Expect Move Means Castro to Be Voted Off This Week’s American Idol

No relation to Fidel

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Bear Stearns Chairman Sells Entire Stock Holdings In Company For $61 Million
Man Who Was Paper Billionaire 15 Months Ago Says He Still Believes He Can Get Laid

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J.C. Penney Cuts First Quarter Earnings Forecasts
Blames Downward Revision On Slow Sales of Polyester Fashions and Pants Featuring Elastic Waistbands

Company looking to raise revenues by renting mannequins by the hour

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Philippine Version of Playboy Won’t Show Full Nudity
Company Hopes To Duplicate Runaway Success of Another Spin-Off Products Like Crystal Pepsi, Sly Stallone Pudding

Yeah, this should work.

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Publishers Say Yellow Pages Phone Books Are Still Relevant
Urge Users to Check Out Graphics in Ads for Blacksmiths, Ice Delivery

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Herb Peterson, Inventor Of Egg McMuffin Dies At Age 89
McDonald’s Franchisee To Be Buried in Private Ceremony, Topped With Slice of Cheese and Canadian Bacon

Cheap laughs

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Schadenfreude Express Bus Tour Shows Off Foreclosed Homes
Attempt to Attract Bargain-Hunters Backfires When Rider Asks ‘How Much Do You Want For This Bus?’

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Photos

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