American Airlines Cancels Another 900 Flights In Continuing FAA Snafu

Senate Set To Investigate, Politicians Question How It is Possible Anybody Can Have Lower Approval Rating than Congress

If you happen to see a help-wanted ad on Craigslist for airline CEO, you should apply. Apparently, any idiot can run a major airline.

American Airlines continued a second round of flight cancellations as they grounded another 900 flights following the previous day’s 1000 cancellations.

“American is committed to improving our performance every day,” said CEO Johnny Knoxville, “Although our team made a tremendous effort, we weren’t able to cancel more flights today than we did yesterday. I take full responsibility for our inability to piss off more travelers than we did the day before. This is totally unacceptable.”

Despite knowing in advance that they were going to be taking thousands of planes out of service, American did absolutely nothing to mitigate the disruption to travel plans of hundred of thousands of fliers.

Fliers were given vouchers to cover their hotel stays as they scrambled to find other flights home.

A spokesperson for American Airlines said, “We believe a coupon for spending the night listening to the person in the next room clip their toenails through the paper-thin walls of a Motel 6 while missing your daughter’s 4th birthday is the kind of response consumers have come to expect from our company.”

Company officials also unveiled a new advertising slogan this week: “American Airlines. Nothing special in the air.”

On the ground, travelers spent hours in lines at the airline’s oxymoronic “customer service” desks. Besieged airline reps handed out forks to everyone in line urging people to “stab yourself in the thigh to help distract yourself from the amazing incompetence we’ve demonstrated.”

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Flying American is like turtle sex…painful and slow

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